because not everyone understands my sense of humor

(... which is, by the way, totally okay), and also because Mike seems to think that there are people out there that may have interpreted my Arianne-Nation gag at the top of my page as the actual 'aryan nation' (which, may I point out, is spelled completely different), I have slightly tweaked said gag at the top of my page. I direct you to take a look.

Yeah. It's just not as funny. But, opposed to the wandering stranger getting the wrong impression of Arianne of Yakima as a bigoted racist, maybe this is the better way to go. It seems, for me anyway, going subtle just makes everyone happier.

Or acting clueless. That works too. And if you happen to be blond as well as female, it seems if you act like you didn't know that you're actually supposed to seek permission for most beyond the ordinary activities (such as picking the flowers at the state park. Just an example), or, say, switching lanes while driving your car.... to cut to the chase, it's like my mom's always said. 'it's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to ask permission.' Lot more efficient too.

Did I mention my mom is also blonde? We just don't get enough credit for everything we get done while everyone else seems to deem it necessary to wait around to get permission.

What other reason do they put those big lanes directly in front of the school entrance for? The buses only use them twice a day anyway.

Also.... is Yahoo Answers your Questions messing with me, or are fingernails really just made of dead skin cells? Because, honestly, it's got to be more complicated than that.

Right?

I am Switzerland

... and I do not compromise.

Actually, I think I was 'Hisponarabia' or something like that. Not that it's really relevant now, since Adam hit me with an atomic bomb this morning as the natives were in a kitchen-wide clean up effort related to the recent devastating tsunami of dirtiness.

Yeah, so Adam has discovered the game of 'army'. He was the united states. I tried to convince him not to enter the enemy territory of the kitchen (representing the humble nation recently devastated by several tsunamis of dirtiness) because the land mines would get him... and that's when he nailed me with atomic destruction. And claimed in-destructiveness due to his superior aircraft (in other words, he didn't have to worry about my measly little land mines because he had harnessed the magic of flight).

In other news, I convinced Andrew to move his body from the car to the unknown territory of group violin lessons. We have missed out on this opportunity for months due to all sorts of last minute catastrophe (mostly invovling mom's forgetfulness between the hours of 6am and 7:30am), but this last Thursday (wow, was that yesterday? sheesh), I finally got him there. The group violin (really, they're string lessons, but go with me here) lessons are being provided by a wonderful lady on the other side of the valley for free. That's right. She does it for free. The only problem is that it's located on the other side of the valley, at the same time that I'm supposed to be dropping off my oldest two. At the other end of the valley.

You see the conundrum. Short of ripping a hole in the space-time continuum, I was shot. Well, until I came up with the incredible idea to maybe arrange a carpool for one morning a week. Of course, when I say 'carpool', I really mean 'get someone else to transport my children to school for me, and not really an exchange of any type', although I was polite and offered to exchange favors of transporting should they be okay with that. Whew. Anyway, I now have Andrew all the way across town on a Thursday morning minutes after 8am. Which is when Andrew informs me that he is not leaving the car until we drive back across town to our own house.

No fricking way. So, me and my completely brilliant parenting ways think fast, and this is what we come up with:

'Andrew, if you don't want to keep playing the violin, we can just return it sweetie. That's okay.'

'No!!! I don't want you to give away my violin!'

'Well, if you want to keep the violin, you need to get out of the car and go to your lessons.'

It's amazing how slowly a 4year old can move when faced with the impossible situation of either losing their violin or walking with mom the twenty feet to the school gymnasium (across town) where free lessons await him.

I had all sorts of horrible scenarios in my head about how exactly all my actions up to this point were all working together to sabotage my budding musician's every interest in anything.... well, musical. But, you know, once he got comfortable with the idea, he had such a good time. I mean, actual light bulb of a smile when the teacher would tell him he was doing well.

Which I have no problem taking credit for.

you don't spit into the wind

Talked to a lady from the district child nutrition office today to share my thoughts concerning the awesome amount of usable waste of uneaten produce that ends up in the garbage. I offered (generously, I might add) to haul it away in self obtained containers purely for the use of good old fashioned composting. This is where I was informed that the state doesn't allow for that to happen. Because people could break into the compost bins and mistakenly eat the rotting (excuse me, composting) food stuff and die as a result.

Well. Yeah, that could be a concern. What if I just haul it off before anyone has the opportunity to poison themselves with day old lettuce?

The powers that be would have no guarantee that I wouldn't then try to eat garbage and thus poison just myself, instead of the entire community.

Huh. Learning is fun. Change is even funner. Wait, I got that wrong. Change is even more fun.

Manager lady said she'd be able to get back to me within the week or so. See if I can obtain permission to dispose of their garbage in a sustainable more responsible, not to mention more practical, way.

I think this might be one of those things I'm going to obsess on til I get my way. Although, sadly, I can live with that.

i think we should boycott the oranges

Okay, so January is traditionally a good month for the installation of new ideas/habits, etc.... right? I was impressed by the 100-mile diet idea, which was a thing where this couple went a year (or some other measurable amount of time) only consuming food produced within 100 miles of their home.

Try this sometime. Seriously. While frustrating, it's an extremely enlightening experience. And kinda fun. Although I'd advise going at a low traffic time of day with a minimum amount of children. I got to try this with only my baby accompanying me. Not bad. Although I was really sad that it madly limited my citrus buying power.

This is what I did get: a package of radishes, three plastic bottles of juice, lots and lots of apples, a package of wheat germ, 1 papaya, two bags of red potatoes and a butternut squash.

If you're wondering where locally I got a hold of papaya, I'm counting Hawaii as local for the foreseeable future. Although I'm pretty sure on reflection that Hawaii is just as far away from me as Mexico is, which, may I point out, grows EVERYTHING.

I need to live in Mexico. Although, given the year Mexico has had, I'd probably be dead by now. Against my need for fresh produce, I would measure my need to live a tad higher.

Yeah, I'll probably have to nix Hawaii for my future visits. But, I'm totally keeping Oregon.

Because I love NPR

This I believe

I believe that every child should be wanted, cherished and cared for. I believe in equal pay. I believe in the power of experience.

I believe that kindness goes further than money. I believe in the benefits of exercise. I believe that learning yoga helps you to relax.

I believe in brushing your teeth and saying your prayers. I believe in watching your mouth around impressionableness and laughing at truly funny jokes. I believe in biodegradable cleaning products. I believe the children are our future.

I believe music soothes the soul. I believe love is the universal language. I believe in funding science and literacy and efforts to end hunger.

I believe in an individual's unique contribution to the world. I believe in getting outside. I believe in getting dirty and staying up late just because. I believe in watching the sunrise.

I believe in immunizations. I believe in compost and manure. I believe in washing your face at night. I believe in moisturizer and sunscreen.

I believe you can never get enough of what you don't need. I believe in the restorative power of a nap. I believe in medication and in the existence of mental disorder. I believe in having pets that don't sleep in your bed. I believe in not sharing my breakfast.

I believe in separation of church and state. I believe in free expression of press and art. I believe that others' opinions are valid.

I believe my opinions are valid. I believe that what I think and feel and believe matter. I believe that what I do matters.

I believe my kids are worth every effort. I believe in reading with my kids. I believe in playing with my kids.

I believe in family vacations and family hikes and family meals. I believe in the beauty of words. I believe in the power of conviction. I believe in being in awe. I believe there is always something to believe in.

# # #

Just felt like posting that. It's been hanging out in my word document for a few months now (like most things I jot out between diaper changes, block building and the never ending 'snack time'). It was a particularly challenging day/week/month... I can't really even remember the circumstances, except that I felt a real need to remind myself that there are still things that I believe in, things that I strive for, that I would give my life for. That I am giving my life for. Given the last couple years, it's good to be reminded of that.

Back to routine

Okay--- this is where I calmly, in rational, comprehensive and chronological order describe what I learned over my three day weekend.

Actually, let's dump the chronological thing and go straight for the relevant. Seven year old has a confirmed case of generalized epilepsy. If you have to have epilepsy, this is the one to have, according to Adam's pediatric neurologist. It is the type of epilepsy that he will most likely grow out of. It is also the type of epilepsy that is generalized and therefore across the board seizure activity that can happen anytime, anywhere, and therefore would be wise to medicate. For the time being. Until he grows out of it.

Adam is taking this all in stride, and is honestly more concerned that he up his quota of friends. Not so much concerned about taking medication or having his blood tested on a regular basis to test liver function. No, he's more about the practicalities of life. Like having friends. Or making sure we're having the right kind of tacos for dinner. Or convincing his brothers to play the game his way.

I'm glad to realize, that new revelation notwithstanding, Adam is still very much our same boy. I need to call and get his prescription underway, get myself educated.

As for the other health thing we were following up on: 4year old has had the experience of having his tummy x-rayed. Now, I need to locate the lab in the area. Or really, just A lab, ask them for the special containers they need for his poop so they can test it for any infection, parasite, etc. Again, Andrew is more concerned that he knows where his pokemon sticker book is, that he gets a snack when he needs one, and that we are eventually going to start staying home again.

Ben has a runny nose and had the most terrible night in memory of his (and therefore mine) short life two nights ago, during which, he nearly broke both of our spirits. Of course, it didn't help that my sweet Benjammy decided that he would freak out on the same night that we were 'sleep-depriving' Adam in prep for his EEG. Meaning, Mike was up with him til midnight, and I was up with him at 4am. Not too bad, really, until you consider that I was up with Ben in between that time.

It was such a blessing this morning to wake up in my bed, to be tired in my own kitchen. Routine has its own comfort.

Stalk away!

Thanks for the message Mary! The whole reason for this blog is for others to read, so....yeah. Well, and for me to have fun having other people reading about my crazy life.

I have submitted one more short story, and have emailed my novel-length one that I've had in Word to the English teacher that Mike works with. She's promised to be brutal.

Oh! And we're going on a date tonight! The babysitter will be here at 6:30 tonight. We're gonna go out and eat not-mac-and-cheese. It's so much fun every time we're able to get out with just the two of us, we're trying to make a habit of it.

# # #

And we're back: Tuesday night 9:30, we're in spokane, attempting to keep oldest up til midnight. Four hours after which, we will have to wake him up. Apparently, he has to be 'stressed' for the test tomorrow. Just a small procedure, no big deal. It's so amazingly common, in fact, that there are whole departments dedicated simply to maintaining, running and the interpreting of these tests. Whole education programs based solely on people learning how to maintain, run and interpret said tests.

Which is why not one of us is at all nervous about Adam having an EEG done tomorrow. Just a series of pictures. Like having someone take pictures of him. But backwards. From the inside. While electrodes are hooked onto his head.

So... yeah. Nor Adam nor I have been at all nervous or panicked or anything that would connote any level of agitation whatsoever.

Anyway, we don't even know if tomorrow will change anything in the degree of our knowledge of what the heck is/was going on for Adam to have already experienced two seemingly unprovoked seizures.

Time will only tell.

Shhhh...

Ben is officially sleeping. With me writing in the same room.

Incredible. Amazing.

I had almost forgotten he actually had the ability to sleep during the day.

Okay, now with that exciting news out of the way....

I have officially received my second rejection ever. This is exciting. It means that someone out there is reading my stuff, deciding it's not that good, and then, letting me know. The more exciting thing, is that I'm not that terribly bothered by the concept of rejection as I thought I would be before I gathered the guts to actually send anything out. And they both were so conciliatory, like they were sorry to have to reject something. One actually said: "if it's any consolation, your piece did make it to the second round of considerations."

Hell yes! Of course that's a consolation! The very fact that you looked at it at all is awesome!

I am altogether way too easy.

snow day

Woke up to the welcome news that school had been delayed 2 hours due to freezing rain that had encrusted not only the roads, but our car windows as well. By 10:30, it was pretty well thawed, but because there were delays with the bus line or something, the whole day ended up being cancelled. So, I totally got a lot done today.

Actually, (not that my level of accomplished tasks on my to-do list is necessarily relative to my competency as a mother or person for that matter), I got more done today than I usually do. I finished up the laundry, I actually sat down and started (and then finished) a prompt for a writing contest deal thing. All about a clown and a sad woman. You can see how I totally put those two together.

For some reason, clowns always make me feel sad. Like, deeply.

Anyway, I also took some time to work on this afghan I'm doing for our bed. I think this may be one of those projects I actually finish in the next few months or so. This is the reason I love crocheting so much. Actual progress: completely visually satisfying. You see every step expand on itself. I also started the dishwasher (and only after remembering to fill it!:), fed the boys lunch before 2pm, and took out the garbage and recycling!

Okay, so all in all, the actual task-completion maybe added up to a half hour tops, although, in my world, it's pretty safe to pretty much double the time you usually allow for any given task. About which, a small point, which I heard lately from none other than PBS (so you know it's true): Children are not efficient. It's, like, scientifically impossible for them to be anything else other than time-consuming and smothering.

I don't know about anyone else, but that was an upper for me.

So, outside of totally rocking my domestic responsibilities for the day, I also spent an awesome amount of time with my boys building legos, reading books, protecting them from each other's wrestling skills, and talking to them. Except for right now. Right now, they watching a pokemon movie, and I'm.... well, I'm blogging.

Huh.

things can always get worse

Latest news: Mike's middle finger on his right hand started bleeding last night and has yet to actually.. what's the word? Oh yeah. CLOT.

I swear someone's spiked my water. If one more person in my family shows one more bizarre medical symptom for which I have no reasonable explanation, one of two things is gonna happen. 1)I will actually cry. 2)I will end up glued to my couch fixated on alternating marathons of Glee and Gilmore Girls.

I don't know. Maybe I'll just do both. The 2nd sounds a little less miserable than the first alternative.

Today, I am so tired, it hurts. My head is in a vice grip of literal fiery resignation. Yeah. So, my day went a little like this:

6:30 dragged myself out of bed, fed and dressed boys.

8:15-8:35 dropped off boys at school and drove back home, during which time I amazingly stayed awake

8:37 Back inside my house. Turned on PBS kids, and collapsed on my couch for a '10 minute' snooze

10:30 woke to 2yr old banging on the side of my head with a duplo block.

I'll give you the cliff notes for the rest of the day: didn't get much better.

But, Mike now has a cauterized finger, and a referral to a bonefide dermatologist.

Mike's co-workers are reportedly praying for me.

new year

This year, I'm doing something new with my annual resolutions. Instead of doing a whole soul-searching, inventory-taking thing, I'm gonna switch tactics.

This year, I'm resolving to not resolve to do anything that is unreasonable to expect. I resolve to not expect miraculous happenings defying ordinary ability on a regular basis. I resolve to accept the flawed humanity of my husband, my children, my friends, the guy driving in front of me who has yet to learn the true use of a turn signal and can't seem to get his speed above 30.5 mph. In the same spirit, I resolve to accept my own flaws, mistakes, missteps and oversights.

I resolve to revel in the moments of sheer chaos and heart stomping emotion that comes in between moments of mundane car pooling, grocery shopping, and bedtime story gathering. I resolve to enjoy these moments, instead of constantly trying to control or bypass them.

I resolve to listen to more music. To spend more time outside. I resolve to write more letters and correct my boys' letters less often.

I resolve to listen before I speak, to try and watch the conversation from the other person's point of view.

I resolve to say 'thank you' more often. I resolve to pause before flooring the gas pedal on my way... everywhere.

All that being said, this will also be the year I finish the boys' photo journals, get published, and finally, learn Spanish.

Probably.

Anticipate

January 18th will be the day when we get some answers. That's the day I'll be taking #1 in for his pediatric neurology follow up. They don't have the right staff or equipment or something to do it here in town, so we'll be traveling, but, at least now, we have something rolling.

I have been advised to 'anticipate anxiety'. My medication has been working pretty well for me up to this point. In fact, it's working so well, that I no longer mind if other people are aware that I'm on it. Last couple days though have pretty much taken all reserves I've ever had, so I've had what is evidently termed 'breakthrough'. Meaning that I had a day or two of struggling to sleep, relax, and basically function without feeling like I was going to flush someone down the toilet. I don't know why, but when I heard that 'anticipate' suggestion, it really helped me catch my breath. Of course I'm anxious. 3 out of 4 of my boys have (as yet) unsolved medical dramas going on.

And I succeeded in losing (although, I really don't lose things. I just misplace things with a random consistency) my paycheck somewhere between dropping off 4yr old's guaiac samples and the drive up bank ATM. The one with my holiday pay and 4 hours overtime. Well, okay, technically, it's not overtime, because I'd have to be working OVER 40 hours to get that, but it's overtime for me. Meaning, above and beyond the eight hours I've committed to spending every week at my place of employment.

But, that's taken care of now too. I'm not causing crap to rain down on heaven on me. This is just life. Not some giant mousetrap that's been lurking over my head waiting for me screw up so that the giant cat in the sky can punish me.

I know. My brain goes to some really weird places when I'm worked up.

auld layne syne

Happy New Year to all ten of you who actually follow this! I hope everyone had a memorable and relaxing holiday season.

Mine was pretty good. But I'm pretty sure my children are slowly killing me.

Between the four of them, we've had a seizure, a full-body hive reaction to the devil only knows what, and a few spouts of flu here and there. Of course, the flu stuff ran its' collective course in 12-hour riffs, six times respectively. On the bright side, said flu stuff was done with all of us by the time actual Christmas happened.

Bit of a downer when dad can't stay in the same room with us for more than a couple minutes at a time, because he's preoccupied with trying to keep his cookies down.

Ahh, the memories.

And here's where I explain the third paragraph.

Back in October, my oldest has a seizure. He gets taken to the ER, he's pumped with a couple liters of fluid, they take some blood tests, and he's given the green light of health. It's a puzzle. We're puzzled, but we figure, weirder things have happened. Probably just a virus or something, right? Right.

Okay, fast forward to Christmas night. Yep, Christmas night. After a relaxing day of giving and receiving and eating and generally laying around, I left my boys playing a video game with their daddy, and 2 hours later, Mike's calling me breathless telling me our oldest has just had another seizure. I'm at the nurse's station, and I have to plug one ear just to make sure I'm hearing him right. Administration is there in their nice business suits, giving out corsages, telling everyone their scripted 'Thank you for working Christmas! Know that we appreciate all your hard work...' blah blah blah. I turned before they could get to me because I was pretty sure my brain had stopped processing all rational information about a minute prior to that. Short of teleporting myself through the phone line, I had no idea what to do. I got my coordinator and told her, rather bluntly, that I had to be home, like, a half hour ago. She agreed, but decided that they really couldn't let me go for a couple hours. I took an early 'dinner', sped home to find my boy in post-icteric stage, limp and dead asleep, on the floor, wrapped in a towel, with his three brothers bouncing off the walls and poor Mike pale and exhausted. I gave my son a kiss, asked him how he was. He came to for a minute, grimaced, and said he was cold.

Mike said that that was the first thing he'd said since he sat on the couch, said 'I don't feel good.' before collapsing. Almost 2 hours previous. I have to go back to work, but I get home close to 8, which is at least three hours sooner than it would have been, and I spend the rest of the night staying close to my boy. He throws up a few times, but by 11 that night, he had a bit of color back, he was keeping down food and fluids, and he was even joking.

Kid couldn't remember anything between playing video games that afternoon and waking up feeling crappy.

So, that was our first crisis. Which is soon to be de-mystified with a full out pediatric neurology follow up in Spokane. Soon. When they call me back.

Next was our baby. Our little 2 year old waited until the last day of break to have his freak-of-nature medical drama.

He's better now, and we're still not sure exactly what happened.

We were enjoying a rare dinner out at a friend's house, their kids, our kids, and an awesome assortment of asian/seafood/oreos, etc. We're talking after dessert, and I notice that our baby boy is pulling on his ears, and they're looking a little red, but didn't think much of it. Half hour later, we're home, getting everyone changed and in bed. And that's when I realize that baby boy has a full body of hives going on. By 10 that night, I'm taking him into the ER, at which point, his entire body is one big red spot. While we are in the room waiting for the doc, this thing starts moving down his legs, onto his back, where before, it was just splotchy, now: full out sunburn. The blessing in all this is that it didn't touch his breathing. The doc got him something of something, and by 11, we were on our way home. Baby boy in bed by midnight. All in all, it only took 48 hours for the hives (and resulting itching and crankiness) to subside.

But now, I'm feeling just slightly paranoid about what it was that brought such an intense reaction. And that next time, it's gonna happen quicker and possibly get his breathing. So, for now, we'll avoid the seafood. That might have been it. I don't know.