previously unaired posts PLUS an update

I thought these were interesting. They're mostly complete 'posts' that never made it onto the actual 'post' page, but were obviously valuable enough to me that I actually took the time to record and save it in Word, so here you go: The lost episodes of Arianne's life:

PREVIOUSLY UNAIRED BLOG MATERIAL

I feel like crap. Actually, I feel worse than that, but because I'm a such a role model here, I'm going to be the bigger person, and not say what I really feel.

Sinus headache up the wazoo. Can't move without cringing in pain. Ear ache off and on for the past week or so. Throat on fire.

I did get some decongestant today though, which was a process in itself, as I never buy medicine EVER (before you ask, not it's not a thing with pharmeceuticals, it's just that I hate to swallow things you can't chew first).

It makes me really gaggy.

Anyway, I got the decongestant, which is supposed to ramp you up but has just floored me some more... which, after a two hour nap while the boys watched SpongeBob, was not unwelcome. Man, I almost felt human again.

So, anyway, I'm medicated. And feeling crappy. The one productive thing I did today? I found out where the end of 38th is. Yep. Ran right into the end of 38th. The strange thing is, I could've sworn I was on 37th at the time.

I need my brain to catch up with my body sometime during my lifetime. I think we could all breath a little easier.

Tomorrow? School!!!! Wow, I am SOOOO ready. And not ready. But, yes, really really really really ready.

# # #

AND NOW: (as in, for reals, this just in)

4yr old is having bloody stool. There, I got the uncomfortable medical language out of the way first. On to what this exactly means for said 4yr old? No idea, except that all three guiaiac tests showed frank blood from his nether regions. I had a pretty strong suspicion when I could see said blood when I was doing the at-home smear tests, but now it's official.

The doctor man has instructed us on a high fiber diet for our boy, to try and rule out is maybe chronic constipation is causing the bleeding. I'm to do three more smear tests, at which point, if we still have stuff there that's not supposed to be there, our next move is to Childrens in Seattle.

It really can go without saying that I'd rather not get to that part where Childrens needs to be involved, but I'm gonna say it anyway:

I'd really really rather not get to that part where Children's needs to be involved.

All that being said, 4yr old was such a trooper. Like, beyond expectations trooper. The doctor man had to do a rectal exam as part of our follow up today. It can really go without saying that I'd rather have gone through raising my children without having to put any of my boys through that. But, I'll say it anyway.... I'd rather have gone through....

Anyway, he did get a sucker and sticker out of the whole deal, which doctor man recognized as ironic as he was the one to be pushing the 'high fiber' thing. Thing is, my boys? Eat through cardboard. You'd think it'd be enough, huh?

If anyone's looking for me, I'll be researching 'easy ways to get your kid to ingest fiber in such a way that it stops them bleeding out their rear'.

Pray with me everyone.

Okay, now for a piece of good news? Other than it's two days to Christmas, I have all my boys home with me and actually ventured out for a actual jog this morning? Well, ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats. Because, as of this morning, I now have a non-paying gig as an actual writer for a local parenting magazine!

Just believe me when I say this is a LOT more exciting than it sounds! I'm going to have an actual portfolio!

my kid is cute and so can you.

*Question: How many times must a 2year old bump his head before incurring brain damage?

It's quite sad actually, exactly how much of me my boys are internalizing. All before they know better.

Said 2 year old is currently being cheered up by Spongebob, who is currently learning the intricacy of facial expression. From an animated sponge and his starfish friend. No joke. He is, at this moment in time, mimicking goofy smiles alternated with the appropriate "insert here" Squidward disapproving frowning.

Very cute.

New theory: Kids get cuter the further down in sibling order you go. Not that my 7year old isn't adorable. Or wasn't as a 2 year old. But, blast it if I didn't notice in between the obsession of getting it all right the first time. Now? I've learned something: there is no right the first time. There's only the perusal of your best effort in the face of inconsistent and ever changing life situation. My best for Adam is so different than my best for Ben.

I'm okay with that.

Spent the morning perusing mommy blogs, and totally left with a feeling of mommy-envy. All these fantastic writers and people out there pursuing their passions. I think that's great. I had to tag a couple of the ones that were sincere in their dysfunction. I find that all so refreshing.

Now I'm wishing my life were somewhat more interesting, or more accurately, that I could write to make it sound more interesting. I mean, I'm enthralled, but who isn't with their own creation?

tis the season

So, it's once again been a while. I remember when I was updating this daily.

I'm a person of many words.

Anyway, on to actual stuff: Boys had last day of swimming lessons today. Yes, on the first day of December. It was an inside pool. My glasses fogged up every single time we walked in the facility. Very nice little change from the winter weather.

Love the holidays. Don't get me wrong, but there's something a little galling about this time of year. My house is a constant mess, and I feel like there's always something I'm forgetting that I won't remember til after New Years, and then I'll have to wait for the next holiday season. And it's wet and cold and everything freezes.

It's pretty from inside though. The sparkling snow, the christmas lights, the christmas cooking smells. the fun things with the boys. The early nights, cuddling with insane amounts of blankets.

Boys got to do their gingerbread house. Notice the singular here. Mike made the suggestion that maybe I could do one for every week of the holiday month so that it wouldn't be a big deal if any (all) of them feel an undeniable urge to dismantle my culinary baby. I told Mike he can make his own darn gingerbread.

Hallulejah! I am back on. This site wasn't letting me, the cabbage of YAKIMA btw, on to my own self-created site before I switched to a different email account, which I didn't really end up doing in the end anyway, but I jumped through the corporate hoops and here I am!

It's really a pain to have so many awesome things to share about my days and not be able to remember any of them by the time I sit down. Oh well. I do have one story....

So, 5yr old started kindergarten. Loves it, adores it, is doing really well. Well, rewind a couple weeks ago, and you have me attempting to get him all ready (clothes organized, school supplies labeled, lunch supplies stocked, etc), and I notice that he's having a bit of... itching? yes, itching, in his never-do-mentions. And I start to WORRY in all caps, cause now, all I can picture is my precious kid itching up a storm in the middle of a public classroom, being labeled 'that kid who... itches things' and further more spreading disease and destruction through his lack of thorough hygiene. But, being the calm mommy I am, I try talking him out of it. He's not having it. So, next best thing, I try to leave it alone, try to remind him to wash hands and keep his hands out of his pants (by the way, has anyone else had the opportunity to say that in public, in the middle of the afternoon, cereal aisle where absolutely everyone and their dog are grabbing the 1.25 a box deals? not that pleasant, believe me). Anyway, I think I had to go to work that night or a parent meeting or finish errands or something, and I come back and this is what Mike tells me:

5yr old comes up to Mike, slightly worried expression on his face
"Cole, buddy, what's wrong?"
"Dad... I just found something in the wrong place."
"What? Where?"
"Dad.. there's a hole... in my BUTT!.... and it goes REALLY far!"
Oh my... but yes, audience, blood naked truth, this is what 5yr old has discovered, all on his own. So, Mike explains in impressive composure that the 'hole' is completely normal. In fact, that's where the poop comes from. My adorable boy? He responds with a relieved sigh and not a small amount of amazement: "Oh! I did not KNOW that!"
Since? No problems on the 'itchy' front.
With this kind of problem solving? Kindergarten will be a breeze.

Also in the news: Andrew got run over by not one, not two, but THREE concurrent infections: sinus, ear, and... yes, we have our first UTI. But, at least he's not having to pee every 20 minutes because of a excess amount of glucose. That was my first fear, because, really, a UTI? That's just too EASY. Anyway, kid's on abx, and feeling maybe a 1000x better. As in, he's not falling asleep mid-sentence or staring dead eyed at the wall for the better part of the day.
Poor kid.

Other than that, my other boys are healthy and enthusiastic as always. Saw a co-worker at Costco and had an impulsive hugging moment. Hardly do ever those two worlds cross, I had to memorialize it somehow. Betty seemed receptive, so there's that.

Had my first day with just 2yr old, who, we've recently found out has excellent receptive language, but not a whole lot of expressive. The bugger. Anyway, we're 'narrating' for him, and hopefully, that will extenuate his motivation to actually imitate.

Time will tell, as always.

I'm going to try a new experiment this new school year, starting now. In an attempt to further put my life in line with my belief system, I'm going to be trying to implement some core 'green' changes. And as corny as that sounds, this is something I feel is very important to my children's future and to the conservation of society and the natural world.

So, I was thinking: I can be annoyed that the powers that be aren't doing more for my children's safety and success, but really, what does that say about me? I've raised my children to take responsibility for their choices and to take initiative (that's probably not spelled right, but take it as it's meant)..... and yet, if I'm not part of the solution.....

This, of course, encompasses more than how I dispose of our household waste. It's an attitude. Are my beliefs sincere or am I just giving lip service?

I was not aware of this, but did you know that a direct correlation has been found between rising prices of oil and the decline of societal freedoms in oil-rich countries? That the discovery of oil subsequently stifles broad education and creative enterprise in these nations? That oil sales go directly to fund militaristic extremist groups?

So, in short, if I can't back up the talking with some walking, maybe I should reconsider just how I'm raising my children. In reality.

To begin: I'd like to cut our household waste down to mostly recycleables and biodegradable material. I want my food pesticide free and local. I'd like to decrease my use of my car, or at the very least, maybe figure out a car pool for my kid's school stuff. I'd like to start paying my bills online and getting my paycheck deposited (although, they still print you out a copy and mail it to you, so maybe that's not necessary). I'd like to talk to Memorial Hospital about possible donation of some of their outdated material for the raptor's house use. I'd like to figure out an alternative heat source for our home, possibly a heat pump, and I'd like to figure out where I can talk to other people about this without sounding like an alarmist, although, really, I think it is something to be alarmed about.

When you consider that some people are worried about bike-sharing programs being the gateway to forced abortion, really... well, let's just say that there are crazier things to be worried about than global warming or the effect of oil dependence on societies.

What I did this summer

It's been a little time since I've updated this, hasn't it? I hardly know where to start, so let's see. Highlights from this summer include:

-our first broken bone in the family, sustained by my 7yr old when his 9yr old cousin tripped and head butted him in his right collar bone.
-our first skin infection, in the form of my four year old's right thumb
-2year old's first words and animal sound mimicking, past the puppy barking, that is
-5year old learning first hand that no, he does not have gills, but yes, he is a VERY lucky boy
-discovery of microscopes and bug life (to the inclusion of bug traps) from the back yard
-getting the diseased birch in our front yard chopped down for a stellar price and getting exactly what we payed for (meaning, it took four days, and the free haul away included in the estimate? more of a suggestion really. But, hey, if anyone is in need of birch wood, we are your guys---- you haul)
-my kids meeting MY cousins and knowing what that means
-camping trip to Quinelt rain forest, in a tent, with all four boys
-our first roasting marshmellows campfire with our boys
-me submitting written work for the first time since high school (i'm not even gonna say when that was)
-working extra extra shifts at the hospital, thoroughly disorienting my co-workers sense of time and place
-harvesting a good amount of tomatoes, but killing my dill, and nearly the strawberries

That's all I can think of for now. More later!

Okay, so officially have gotten over allergy season... or not. I mean, really, whose bright idea was it to have trees that repropogated through the AIR? Really? Where everyone's breathing?

Oh well. I accept the things I cannot change.

In other news, I am LOVING (notice the capitals here) working with the birds at the raptor rehab house in Selah. 10 minutes from my house, and I have the pleasure of sweeping up bird crap.

But really, it is a lot of grunt work, cleaning cages and disinfecting surfaces... and last week, I got to hold the feet of a beautiful red tail that had to be put down. Watched it die. Definite experience, although I wouldn't call it the highlight of my month. Poor thing got shot through the shoulder. Blew the bone apart.

Anyway, I have officially handled birds. As in, I have held birds roughly half my size on my left hand, their faces less than a foot from my face. The barn owl was supposed to be the most touchy about being handled by anyone other than the director of the center, but she was actually the mellowest with me out of all of them. I thought the kestrel was going to have a stroke, but I guess those ones are just naturally hyper.

###########

Andrew has started the violin. He has been asking about learning for months, literally. I exaggerate not. Even a little. He can't tolerate me telling him how to do anything for more than a few minutes, so we're easing in slowly, but he is already so careful with how he rosins his bow and how everything is put away in the same spot and how he carries his case around. A full 1/16 size, by the way. The smallest you can get, for your information. They had to send for it from Tacoma at the mother store.

Cole is busy taking pictures right now. He has taken 11 of his white truck (optimus prime, as he calls it). He has his last gymnastics class/performance this Thursday. He's still our first boy up, although he's gotten used to settling down in the 'special' bed (on our floor of our bedroom, on my side)if he happens to be awake before 6 in the morning. I'm sorry folks, I draw my lines. Before 6? My time. Preferably in my bed, although now that the light is getting here earlier in the day, I've found myself reminscening for those pleasant, just right temperature morning runs. Just me and my music, waking up.

But then, I think of how much more pleasant my bed is, and the fantasy gives a bit. I know if I could just get myself out the door, it would feel pretty darn good, but again... My bed puts up some stiff competition. Especially with the 7hour grove it settles me in.
My mattress knows me well, I'm telling you.

Anyway. Back to the boys. Adam... is currently exploring native american art. He accompanied his dad to the art museum in Tacoma, and now, he's all about the raven. And the owl. Really, all spirit birds, and such. He draws them like stained glass. He is also currently reading at a 3.6 grade level. He's loving chapter books and reads them over and over to his brothers.

Ben is tolerating change well. Learning to go without his nook during the day light hours. I've really been duly impressed with his optimistic nature. And his persistence. How many times does it take to get mom to give said nook back to me? If I ask one more time? How bout now? Now?

In my defense, I have held strong 99.9% of the time, and the other times, I plead noise induced black outs.
For someone who can fit inside a costco size diaper wipes 6pack, Ben can be surprisingly tenancious. Plus, he has the biggest brown eyes. And I swear, he can make them bigger on demand.

Bit of a grumpy day today. Okay, only grumpy when it seems like all the boys have to be talking to me all at the same time. Or when I feel like I go through the hours between 4pm and 6pm repeating myself ad naseum for no apparent reason. I can go on and on about dinner and bedtimes and homework or that there's a possible hurricane coming and we should probably get down in the basement. Five minutes later, I'd be the only one down in the basement, our roof flying off, and they'd still be playing with their legos or running around, completely clueless that if they'd just listen to their mother, they wouldn't be lost in some rubble of our house.

Or sitting at the table eating dinner without them.

A little passive-aggressive you say? Well, I've never claimed maturity.

At least I fed my children. I gave them strawberries for crying out loud. I gave them my strawberries!

argh.

optimistic

Today, I saw (close up!) a baby owl. It was gray and furry looking with its feathers all downy, and it was opening and closing its eye like my 2year old does when he's really drowsy.

It was one of the most adorable sights I have EVER seen. So, next to this cool iced chocolate drink I've discovered at our local drive-thru, I now have a new reason to live.

Cute baby owls.

I am not kidding. I SQUEALED in the car on the way home. Had my 3year old asking 'What did you do that for?' And in my very grown up way, I explained that sometimes, we just feel so happy after seeing something so... awesome... that we just have to squeal, or our heads will explode.

Had said 3yearold laughing though. Which was another good point to my day.

This was before I forgot snacks I had signed up to bring for my mom's play group. And the recipes for the recipe share. And lost my keys between the sign out at my son's preschool and my car (which were situated a whopping 10 feet from each other), which led my hubby to having to spend his lunch break unlocking my car and helping me 'find' the keys the whopping ten feet I misplaced them from said car.

But, really, all in all, a good day. I have compromised with 2yr old regarding his binky use (which is to say, I allow him to use it as much as he wants, and he allows me to not listen to him scream all day. But, to his credit, he does have some MONSTER canines coming in), so he's been less apt to bark at me (kid really has an affinity to dog-talk right now), and did I mention I saw a real live baby owl today?

Awesome.

And now, for the update.

I no longer want to be a writer.

Yeah, I'm totally kidding. Actually, I have followed through! I have successfully been sticking to my goal of meeting my daily word quota. And tomorrow, I'm going to pick up the volunteer paperwork for the Raptor Rehabilitation House, where they rescue and rehab hurt or orphaned birds of prey.

Yeah, no kidding! I have had a thought, and I am now following it through to its conclusive end. As in, I am doing something.

Seriously: Applause all around.

I can't even think of anything left to say... I'm just proud of myself for doing something that requires more than just talking about it.

More later

Adam got to school only 5 minutes late today, courtesy 1 forgotten backpack and 2 emergency vehicle needing the road more than me. Not bad, all things considered. Pulled out some shorts for the boys last night to wear today, since yesterday was pushing 80, so of course, it was raining this morning. Still pretty mild, though, so half of them kept the shorts anyway.

Good news, though! I have officially followed through on something. I have been consistently writing, every day, 99% of the time reaching my quota of 1000 words or more. So, maybe I'll post some of those here. I think I'm getting better at getting to the point (ie. conciseness), but as that's never been my strong suit...

Adam is officially done with ice skating, until October, which is forever away for my 7 year old, so he's been a bit in grief over it. At least, he was, 2 nights ago. But that was before we took him out to ice cream last night to celebrate his last lesson of the season.

He seems okay now.

Cole is really into the talking, watch-me-doing-everything stage. Of course, Adam is still in that stage, so maybe it's not so much a stage as hopefully his verbal energy catching up with the rest of him. Anyway, he loves the frisbee right now and can do a mean high kick.

Andrew is into sorting, sorting and more sorting. This morning, he's been busy sorting the magnetic letters/numbers on our washer by color, matching letter/number, and now, he's putting them in order of the alphabet. Such a kick.

Ben is sleeping, bless his cranky little soul.

Someone needs to get to sleep before 9:30 tonight. He thinks he's so funny, running up and down the halls while his brothers are tucked in their beds, asleep. He takes his little puppy and barks at us when we tuck him back in. I think he's pretty convinced that anything with fur naturally barks.

New goals

As of yesterday, I now have a new goal to add to my burgeoing schedule of watching kids, followed closely thereafter with watching kids, which is then invariably followed by watching kids. Ahem... Anyway, my nw goal consists of..wait for it..writing. Which shouldn't be hard in and of itself since writing is just like talking (which I'll admit, I have an almost eerie plethura-ness of), only, when you write, you never have to stop to let someone else have a turn. The best of all worlds, as it were.

But, seriously, I'm attempting to cultivate some self discipline into my daily grind, and if I'm serious about being a writer, then I need to start where I am and at the very least develop a more consistent habit of actually sitting down and spitting the words out on paper, metaphorically speaking of course. About the paper, because, how wasteful would that be, to be scratching draft after draft on non renewable resource when I could just as easily be typing (although pecking might be the more accurate term on this awesomely tiny i-thing). The spitting might become metaphorical too, although I'll give that one a little time for my inevitable rising level of maturity to catch up with my mind.

Writing is the one thing I've never not wanted to do. Seems like everything else will wane now and then, still a steady level of interest, but writing seems to be the constant I keep returning to. I really think I could do something with it. In the end, even if nothing comes of it, I don't think I can't not.

Course, I've wanted to fence my whole life too. Not sure where that burning desire came from, although I suspect Wesley and the ROUSs had something to do with that. So, better make that two goals. I wanna write at least 1000 words a day, and I wanna learn to fence. Told the boys I'd take them to the library tomorrow. I hope they have a good weapons section

What happens when you mix dragons ham and sugar

LET ME SAY FIRST THAT THIS WILL BE MY FIRST POST FROM MY (NEW!) ITOUCH, WHICH IS RIDICULOUSLY FUN, NOT TO MENTION PLAIN AWESOME, BUT AS SOME HAVE BEEN aBLE TO GUESS, I'M STILL , SHALL WE SAY, GETTING USED TO THE ITTY BITTYNESS OF THE KEYBOARD (I KNOW, PART OF SAID AWESOME),AND THIS DEVICE OBVIOUSLY FEELS LIKE I HAVE SOMETHING ImPORTANT (OR LOUD,I'M NOT SURE ENTIRELY YET...WE'RE STILL IN THE INFANCY OF OUR OWNER/POSSESSION RELATIONSHIP HERE) , BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TRY TO SWITCH OFF THE CAPS LOCK, IT CLICKS ITSELF BACK ON...ALMOST AS THOUGH IT WAS ACTUALLY THINKING OR SOMETHING.

Yes, the day will come when machines will conquer the world.

Okay, now it's totally writing normal. And my dad always says that the computer can only do what you tell it to. To which I say, yes, unless you happen to be an evil computer bent on world domination....I mean, come on....we all know the types..."he was such a quiet guy, always so polite..."...yeah, very normal til that off day when he casually guns down the neighborhood because "I hate Mondays."

This is the logic I'm working with here.

But, moving on: Easter weekend was interesting here, in a not at all bad way. Grandma sent treat bags with the boys, cute little animal eggs included. We ate ham and had the egg hunt outside, and have succesfullymade it through three...excuse me...FOUR..nights with the boys camping in the office while we've (meaning Mike) been refinishing the original hardwood floors in the front part of the house. Which is so much a bigger job than I can give justice to with mere words. Let me just say with the utmost sincereity, that I truly love my sweetie.

Speaking of affection, the boys might have found something as deserving as pokemon when it comes to their precious time and single minded devotion: they went to see 'How To Train a Dragon' with their cousins this last week, and it is all they can talk about. Really. Cole has had his red three headed 'Drago' since Christmas, but his brothers never expressed any interest themselves until this last weekend, and now, Adam is insistent that he must have the black small one that they sell at Borders. I told him that he could put on his list, and maybe in the next little while, if we happened upon it on our grocery runs, that I would definitely most probably consider it. That went over just about as well as the segueing conversation that mostly consisted of Adam asking 'Why?' and me giving a very organized speech regarding delayed gratification, financial budgeting and the opportunity costs of time vs gas money on segregated errand running.

Wow. When did I become such a mom? I guess it was sometime between the car seat purchase and obsessing over playdoh recipes, but darned if I know.

Spring is coming! We got two trees in the ground today, or, more accurately, Mike got two trees in the ground today. Very lovely. Hopefully, we'll have some fruit this summer.

The dining table has become a favorite hangout for the boys. Playdoh, puzzles, memory, dominos, castles, and of course, lots and lots and lots of snacks. Raisins and cheesesticks to be specific. Although I think they're finally finding their limit on the raisins. Thank starry glory for that.

And I got to spend the morning yesterday finishing up some painting while waxing nostalgic with some teenage angst in the form of OC season 3.

All in all, not a bad weekend.

After two months of no-gos, it finally happened today. We got out of the house for an extended period of time. And it didn't involve spending money, a doctor's office visit, or any bribery on my part. In fact, it took no pre-planning at all. In fact, all I had to do was show up.

In a room that was painted like Noah's Ark with the inscription 'Of such is the kingdom of heaven' on the wall were two adults just waiting to not only watch, but apparently care for my two little guys. There was soft music playing and some sugar cookies to frost. I got a pager in case of head wounds, and I....left. But wait. I'm still getting to the best part.

I spent the next hour talking to other adult women. And making butterfly valentines. They were supposed to be a mommy-child craft, but none of the childs were even remotely interested. But now I have four butterfly valentines for my boys. By and large, a real win-win all the way around. Plus, they had rolos there. I was in heaven for two hours this morning. I could have cried with relief if I had had the energy.

I can't even do justice to how good that felt today. One lady was commenting how nice it was to just get out now and then, and I replied that I, for one, was REALLY glad I had gotten out this morning, because I was feeling ready to murder my children a couple hours before. They all laughed like I wasn't being serious.

Let's just say that I'm not the only one benefiting from these little outings. They supposedly meet like this every week. It almost makes me feel giddy. That, and I finally finished 'Pillars of the Earth'. Wow.

that time of year

I am now a month into the new year, so I think I might be safely past my annual phase of unrealistic expectations/goals and am ready to sit down and think about my life and where I would like it to progress. So, without further ado, my plans (nix on the 'resolutions' please) for 2010:

*continue cultivating a healthy relationship with my boys with more consistency/compassion/calmness:

-by putting aside one-on-one time with them reading and playing the games THEY'RE interested in (on a daily basis)

-update chore charts and start budgeting allowances (thinking about this one)

-put aside personal time for myself every day for quiet time

*take care of my health and personal well-being by:

-establishing a more consistent bed time on weekdays

-work up to be able to participate 5K fun run later this year

-try out a karate class this summer

-floss daily

-get a good face wash/ lotion for cracking skin daily

*lessen my depression/anxiety moments and work to incorporate more joyful moments into my daily life

-read/listen/watch only those things that bring me that build me up and bring me peace/contentment

-get outside daily

-keep a positive journal of things I AM doing

Okay, I'll stop here before I start putting things like: establish world peace and get my first novel published.

After all, there's always tomorrow, but this, at least, is a start.

Let the games begin!

if motherhood was a profession....

I'd be fired by now.

Sometimes, taking care of the boys sounds like an eternal interview in my head. Like a continual performance review.

"Well, it looks like you've rated high in the laundry portion here, but nurture's dropped a bit since last quarter."

I mean, people who want to adopt have to go through some pretty strenuous home visits. I've imagined what those visits must be like.

"So, how would you describe a typical day?"

"Uh.... we eat, I clean a bit, we play a bit...."

"Do they get regular healthy snacks?"

"Uh, are we counting the cheerios they scavenge off the ground?"

"And last night, they didn't get their baths, did they?"

"Uh..."

"I can tell cause their feet are stinkier today."

"Yeah, ran out of time last night."

"Kinda like you ran out of time to read to them before naps?"

"Well..."

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what is in my head all day.

I seriously need an off switch.

children get older

I came to an important realization the other day while trying on some pants in a Macy's fitting room.

I am getting older.

At 4'11", I usually don't have a problem skimming off the juniors rack when I go clothes shopping-- 'when' being the operative word here. I got myself a new pair (singular) of jeans about two years ago. Styles that were acceptable when I was in high school weren't too hard to find. Finding something that didn't make me look perpetually 15 was a little trickier, but it was doable. With this past experience in mind, I made the junior's section my first stop in my browsing hunt for sophisticated, yet youthful. I grabbed a couple of cute straight cut black slacks and headed back to the fitting room.

I don't know what's with kids these days, but in my day, it was not cool to have pants so tight that they end up cutting off your circulation. My generation has more self-interest than that. If anything, we believe in the opposite. Loose pants. Slipping off your hips loose. Stuff falling out of your pockets loose. My brother, for years, had to chain his wallet to his back pocket just to keep from loosing the thing.

This, of course, was supposed to make us more attractive to the opposite sex. Cause nothing says sexy like meeting that special guy's eyes from across a crowded room while he's busy hitching his pants up.

Oh.. the memories.

It's a metaphor, people. Unencumbered freedom of.... well, movement for one thing. It seems that the cool kids of today like their freedom constricted and narrow. They like everything close and exposed and.... skinny. Looking in the mirror after my ill-ventured run in with teen fashion gave a whole new sense to the term 'chicken legs'.

Ugh... the memories.

Now if wearing the pants is a statement in and of itself, taking them off is an experience. Let me just say that these kids are not gonna be suffering from blood clots anytime soon. They'd probably do wonders for my varicoses. And be great for long plane trips.

I did find the cutest sweaters though. Bright vibrant colors, texture like no one's business, and warm. Baggy. Room to breath. I walked out of the mall smiling, having gave fashion a great big expressive flip-off.

I really must be getting older.

flu shots and the healing power of a mcdonalds playplace

Today was the big day. I finally got all my boys signed up and scheduled for their yearly flu shots. I talked about it in depth all morning, then all 20 minutes from picking up the oldest from school early to the doctor's office. Everything from where to how to how much it would hurt ('just a little pinch sweetie. if you hold really still, you might not feel it at all.' wink, wink, hint, hint.) to who would do it and who would go first or second or third. I mention this because we were ubber-prepared. Not just a little. I was considerate and patient. I fed my boys lunch, got them an early quiet time, got them to the doctor's office the full recommended 15 minutes early. They quietly (okay, not quietly), calmly walked back to the doctor's office. They were joking and smiling. I told them we could go to mcdonald's after for a treat if they were really brave and acted appropriately (ie. no jumping off the walls in public. we save crazy for home, thank you very much)

I had the forms all filled out and signed. Everyone was calm and mostly happy. Then I asked who wanted to go first. Oldest had said he wanted to earlier, so I turned to him, and in my best peppy voice said, 'are you ready?' Oldest looked at me with look of abject horror and said 'I changed my mind.'

I do my peppy voice again, telling him all the sweet things you're supposed to say. You're so brave, you're doing great. Close your eyes sweetie. You can do it, almost there.

Oldest screamed bloody murder as soon as he saw the needle laying on the tray next to him, and continued through the entire administration of said shot. Scared his brothers spitless. No one wanted to go after that. They were all sobbing, shaking after seeing that. And that's where it kinda went downhill. Had to pin down my 22mnth old's quivering two and half foot frame. Then I had to pin down my 5yrold. At this point, all I could hear was screaming. And not just your run of the mill screaming. This was full throttle terrified, I-am-dying kind of screaming.

We all get out of there in one piece. Three out of the four are doing that weird post-cry breathing thing that makes it sound like someone's choking (side-note: the oldest, who started all this, is notably NOT crying or making any such post-choking noises. He is, in fact, calmly enjoying his complimentary sugar free rainbow sucker.), and the fourth has his back to me. I'm busy putting coats on and handing out well-meaning encouragement, so I don't notice what the nurse notices first.

'You look a little pale there buddy....you wanna sit down?'

I turn around as 5yrold says 'Okay' as his knees practically buckle right there, maybe a foot away. Said nurse catches him and moves him to the couch. She's right. He's white as a sheet.

I feel a little guilty for the sudden giggle that threatens to erupt right now. This will be 10x funnier many years down the road, but it's still a little funny now, not so much in the ha-ha kind of way, but more just the real kind of way.... you know?

(i know.... i'm a terrible mother :)

Anyway, 5minutes later, his color has returned, he's discovered he loves sunny-d, and we're in the car and on our way to mcdonalds, where we will spend a glorious 40 minutes sipping on chocolate milk shakes and climbing through the playplace (which has its' own helicopter, by the way). 5yrold makes an astute observation on the way there.

'Shots do hurt.'

new year

I always get the urge this time of year to purge, delete, declutter---- whatever word you want to put to it. Almost everything in my life that could possibly be improved, I really fight the impulse to completely overthrow. For example, this blog. I think of all the ways I could have actually written these posts cleaner or with more wit, or in ways that are a million times more interesting, and it's all I can do to not delete the whole thing. Because something unstarted is not yet tainted by my own bumbling inexperience. Funny, how once you actually do something, it can always be better. Almost feels safer to never make the effort.

The same goes for my house/home right now. I've completely reorganized most of the kitchen cupboards. And now I feel like just getting a new house. Move the mess and it's gotta get cleaner. At least, you get to start again.

But I guess there has to be some value to the moment, to letting things be what they are. Spend your whole life planning and organizing, you never get to just living.

Yup, I'm feeling wise tonight. Or just wanting to feel better about not getting to my next project: I'm finishing painting the front room. I've moved the front room stuff out of the way, but now, it's blocking my microwave. It's my motivation.