no man, I don't have a quarter

My left rear tire lost its elastic integrity somewhere between me parking it at my mommy's group and coming out two hours later, laden as I was with teacher appreciation hand-made gifts (thank all deity that 'craft' day only comes once a month or so). Ben chose this morning to have an epiphany regarding the toilet, and so was sans one wet diaper, which I was going to rectify as soon as we got home in my fully functional dodge caravan 2000, color:gray (I've said that so many times today, I'm having a hard time thinking of my car in any less cold clinical terms). Only... so much for the functional. So, yeah.... an hour later, thanks to the help of a very helpful church employee, my spare (which, if you own a dodge caravan 2000, resides below the rear of the car, where no one who isn't auto-minded would think to look) is attached, and I am driving the 15minutes it takes to get to the local Les Schwab in no less than 30 minutes.

Where we spend the next hour or so eating crappy Taco Time, keeping a three year old on my lap, facing me because he's soaked through his blue overalls.

Actually, Andrew and Ben did awesome. Andrew, who had never in his life experienced a kids meal that came with thumb puppets of masked mexican fighting legends, was, needless to say though I will say it anyway, thrilled. And Ben, won over by the cinnamon twists in place of the boring apple slices he usually gets, screamed louder by the time we got back to our car than the whole time combined. And that includes when mom tried cleaning cinnamon sugar off his face with a taco time napkin dipped in his cup of drinking water.

We didn't get home til 2pm, an hour before I had to turn around and pick up the brothers from school. Suffice it to say that my routine was thoroughly messed with today. A messing with that I don't handle well. Although today, I managed it without yelling at the boys. Yup. Progress, my son. Prog-ress.

Taco Time does make them some mean chalupas. I will give them that.

it's been a long december

Woke up with a very sore throat and ears full of something heavy and sloshy pushing against the drum part of said ears.

Not happy about the heavy sloshy sore part of all that, but am mightily relieved to finally have the dam of indifferent ennui break a bit.

I feel better about not feeling better if I can at least pinpoint the source. Now everything comes together. Everything makes sense now. I understand it all now.

Ben still has a runny nose and is a cranky little bugger. I'm a little cranky too, but you know, even cranky isn't nearly as cranky when you know why you're feeling cranky.

Yeah.... my pattern of physical illness is usually to get all loopy and weird in the absence of drugs. Then, when I get drugs, I tend to just pass out. The added amount of weird into my system is just too much for my brain to handle.

Which is why I advocate for the whole 'natural' childbirth experience. Not because I'm harboring masochistic tendencies, but because me off drugs and in pain is weird enough without me adding extra chemicals to the mix. Like, I like to feel like I'm actually thinking the thoughts that I'm thinking....

Did I mention my throat is hurting? Like, a great deal?

Sigh.

But, I'm making an effort to stay awake today. To which success I credit Devotchka. And all the gypsies.

Gol, but I love the gypsies.

spring

I can always tell it's really truly no-joke spring time. And not just by noticing that it's sunny outside or that the thousand and one tulip plants the last owner left hidden around the yard are starting to bloom.... although, honestly, those are my first clues.

I can tell it's really truly no-joke spring and not just lovely weather out when I start inventing excuses not to take a nap. Because, as honestly wonderful said nap sounds, I know I'm just gonna wake up to the same sunny weather, except, when I wake up, I would have slept through most of it.

Sleeping through 20 degree weather just doesn't bug my physche in the same way.

Course, cause it was Saturday, I still slept through the first couple hours of daylight, but was outside, pretending to clean up my yard area before 9-ish. I want to try an edible kind of landscape thingy in the front yard. I got my mint and chives out in a contained pot, but that's it for now. Mostly, it's a function of figuring out where the sprinkler lines are and where not to dig.

More complicated than it sounds. I mean, I know we have a sprinkler system out front. I just can't find any of them yet.

Boys had their first annual go at the pruning tweezers with all the rose bushes I killed over the winter. Although, killed would signify that it took deliberation on my part. So, maybe we can just say I manslaughtered the roses. I don't think that's right either though.

Luke, Seth? Help me out here.

don't be a drag

Fellow dancer is promising death if our practice sessions end up on you-tube.

I am soooo right there with her. I mean, who knew that heel-toe, step ball change, toe-heel.... whatever.... could be so complicated?

Just like walking. One foot in front of the other. Okay. Cool.

Now do it, like, 50 times faster.

But, my friends, I'm feeling optimistic. Because, being there, learning a new skill, I'm not a mom or a wife or a nurse, or anyone else that needs to make things pretty for those around me. I'm just a person with two left feet.

Put us all out on a dance floor, and, suddenly, everything tends to even out, don't it?

Except for all the kids that got made fun of in high school for being effeminate and spazzy at the stake dances. All those kids are dancing circles around the rest of us.

To which I say: Good for you. I can't really capitalize on any of the reasons I got made fun of in high school, except maybe that 'dork' has slowly evolved to mean 'eccentric'.

Anyway, I'm having fun learning the steps. And checking out the clothes. Totally up my alley. This is the kind of stuff I'd wear everywhere, if I had the guts.

Or the budget. I think if I could do my life over, at this very young point of my life, I would have definitely invested more in tutus.

my place of employment is in no way responsible for any of my opinions expressed on this private blog

So, I got through spring break. It was nice enough, only much too short. Spring break is such a tease. Timed just right, there just as the weather is really getting nice, just at that time of year when you really need a reason to get out. Me and Spring Break? We're tight. But, really. Such a tease. As soon as you're just getting used to adequate sleep and catching up on getting the house not looking like a crumb lined tarp wasn't dragged through by its teeth, well, then it's over. And you have to wake up and go back to reality all too soon.

I've been a bit spoiled with Mike being able to be off when the kids are off though. Well, most of the time. Half the time, he has meetings or has to go and actually grade a paper or two. But, mostly, he gets to be here when the kids are. And that is nice.

I don't think I'm ever gonna not feel tired. Although, today was a nice change. I resisted the urge to throw in the towel and actually exercised instead of taking a nap. Surprise! I felt a tad better about myself. Plus, I actually went a full 4 today, instead of my regular between 2 and 3.

It's good to know my body is still capable of some things.

Had a bit of a hellish night at work Monday. The ER was at capacity, and by the time I left around midnight, they still had 10 admits waiting for beds downstairs. I took 2 admits, plus the crazies I had before that. Honestly, it wasn't bad. At least no one died in the middle of all that. That kind of stuff can totally throw a wrench in the whole rhythm of your shift.

One particular man had no memory of why he had come in. All he could remember was helping a friend trim a tree, then falling and hitting his head. I clarified the situation for him by explaining that it was the police that had found him, up a tree in the middle of the night at a public park. I didn't know what had happened to his head, but they suspected that it was a result of maybe some bad interactions with the drugs he's taking.

Or taking too much of.

I make sure he's comfortable and doesn't need anything, and I'm about to say good night when the man gets a bit teary and says 'I'm not crazy.'

Man. That got my heart. So, I rub his shoulder a bit and I tell him not to sweat it too much. We all get sick at different times for different reasons, and sometimes, being at the hospital and getting some rest is the best thing. That it's okay for him to rest and give himself time to feel better.

Fact is, I have no clue what to say. And I left feeling like a bit of a douche. But I meant what I said. Addicts are people too, and their sickness is real. Or at least, the sickness that results from the addiction is real. One of those things I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I do like my job though. So long as I don't have to deliver no babies or talk down any laboring women, I'm good. Been there and done that.