it's been a long december

Woke up with a very sore throat and ears full of something heavy and sloshy pushing against the drum part of said ears.

Not happy about the heavy sloshy sore part of all that, but am mightily relieved to finally have the dam of indifferent ennui break a bit.

I feel better about not feeling better if I can at least pinpoint the source. Now everything comes together. Everything makes sense now. I understand it all now.

Ben still has a runny nose and is a cranky little bugger. I'm a little cranky too, but you know, even cranky isn't nearly as cranky when you know why you're feeling cranky.

Yeah.... my pattern of physical illness is usually to get all loopy and weird in the absence of drugs. Then, when I get drugs, I tend to just pass out. The added amount of weird into my system is just too much for my brain to handle.

Which is why I advocate for the whole 'natural' childbirth experience. Not because I'm harboring masochistic tendencies, but because me off drugs and in pain is weird enough without me adding extra chemicals to the mix. Like, I like to feel like I'm actually thinking the thoughts that I'm thinking....

Did I mention my throat is hurting? Like, a great deal?

Sigh.

But, I'm making an effort to stay awake today. To which success I credit Devotchka. And all the gypsies.

Gol, but I love the gypsies.