I swear I saw Marley leaning against the fence post

We're in our third year of an actual tradition for Mike and I. Yes, I am referring to the great-as-it-ever-was Sasquatch Music Festival at the Gorge. Although, this year, for the first time ever, we spent a full three decadent days instead of the usual one. As in, dropped the boys off, climbed in the minivan and didn't look back.

Some highlights included (and this is the short list): Sharon Van Etten, Wheedle's Grove, Basja Bulat (who hugged me), Robyn (a crazy brand of Euro pop; very fun), Wolf Parade, Beach House, Gayngs, YeaSayers, and of course..... Bright Eyes.

Before I go any further, let me clarify what I assumed was a well known list of concert going etiquette, be it the inside/polite no-clapping-between-movements-you-ignoramus, or the outdoor I-should-have-been-born-a-hippy outdoor come rain or shine kind of event. Listen carefully. I'm only saying this once.

1) If, by mere circumstance, you find yourself in the pit section of a band you do not know, or do not care for, and you happen to be surrounded by persons who are obviously enthralled in the experience, remove yourself as promptly as is safely possible. No one is there to hear you moaning on and on about so-and-so to your just-as-oblivious friend.

2) If, by mere circumstance, you find yourself in another pit of a band you do not know and obviously do not appreciate the scope of said music experience as it passes you by, please at least have the decency to fake some level of interest. Just standing there, without the courtesy of so much as a clap....again, remove yourself before someone else does.

3) There will be mud. No, it is not urine. This is called 'the outdoors', as in 'mud', not the third world in the year 1266.

4) If someone happens to ask you politely to sit down, and you happen to actually sit down, this means that your right to cuss out the person doing the asking is now null and void. Stand back up if it means that much to you!

5) No one born in the 90s should have enough money or time to spend three uninhibited days in the middle of nowhere. Period. Give those of us from the 70s and 80s a turn first.

6) Musicians are not meant to be used as a source of fashion advice. Unless you're actually a fellow musician.

7) If you happen to have been born in the 90s, and you're (despite rule number 5) still attending a three-day concert in the gorge you have no business attending, please keep in mind that you may not in any way shape or form complain about anything. Not lack of sleep, not the weather, not the crappy overpriced food---- nothing. What you get to do is shut up and let the rest of us bask in what has become the one place us actual adults can go to be what you're trying to be but have not figured out how to properly be yet---- and that is, of course, young.

BTW, I don't really have anything against the 90s. They were very good years for me. It just happens that there is such a thing as paying your dues. Putting your time in as society's martyrs so you too can get out there, get a job, populate the planet and otherwise bury yourself in all the things that take up your time that aren't concerts or art or fun or spring break or whatever other word you want to put on it. Only when it's passed you by will you discover that your whole life up to this point has been a spring break. You don't need a week to commemorate your entire lifestyle.

And.......moving on.......I have shaken the hand of Bob Boulin. Bow to me, people who have not shaken the hand of Bob Boulin.